"" Bleh and Awe: Random Thoughts on Growing up

Monday, 11 April 2016

Random Thoughts on Growing up

Read this post while listening to Hero by Family of the Year (Link). Experiment with it, it just might feel good.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" is a question that I do not really have a firm answer to. We're all lost and guided my our thoughts, experiences and voices. I really don't know, and won't ever find out, even at the age of 45. I guess life gets us at the end. We all get lucky and unlucky, we blame it on ourselves or on us, but ultimately, we change. Its the subtle changes which accumulate and build up. We have all began as babies, seeking food, love, milk, appreciation from others. Maybe Dad was too busy working or Mom wasn't paying attention, or maybe they did it purposely not to pamper us way too much, and that little change brings forth the plethora of confusion, because at that  point, you disconnect yourself from your parents. You become an individual, and (maybe) that's where you try to find what you like and dislike.

The greatest thing with the internet is that we get to know about the opinions of a varied number of people. The most irritating thing is that we get to know the opinions of everyone including you neighbour and her pet hamster. The internet bog us down with its opinions, the society in the form of friends, lovers, neighbours, relatives, gossip-hungry men and women, and Mr. I-don't-give-a-shit; from Television, adverts you see along the flyover and your way to school; everyone is trying to win you their way. It's a mess. Confusion is a part of everything when you're a kid. Sigh.
Sometimes we just.
(Courtesy: National Geographic

Puberty is the coolest price you pay to yourself. Its like the body update which changes everything. And high school, where you start fancying the people. But the influence of the advertisement and society stays, and it creates really unhealthy weird mindsets, and these are anchored with us till the end of our lives. Personally, I used to think things were stagnant and nothing good can come from anything. Although I've changed my views on things drastically, there are times I go back to the comfortable, pessimist view of things. Why? because change is hard. Its like procrastination, I prefer to change later, till some real life smacks me in the face, leaves me helpless and lost, and must figure out things - change. A tiny change, and these accumulate and build up "character" or "person" or
"human" or "ego" or "attitude" or bullshit-lack-of-words we have for individuality. Pain changes us, and it creates humans. Its up to our judgement whether they're created into beautiful or ugly beings.


I really don't know what to do, and have stopped believing that I'm gonna change the world by bringing forth some a massive change in others. Trying to let go of this corrupted idea. Seriously, no intention of being some fucking hero. or a big superstar. Watching the rail-tracks go past by, watch the roads and traffic lanes whiz by, that lonely hut in the middle of no where, I look up and see the sights which flit by. All the co-passengers with simple/complex individuality huddling, the white and blue collar workers hurrying to work, the senior citizens and the ambulances rushing, the hearse passing by, the kids playing and the teenagers hanging out, did any of them ever figure out at any specific point of their life "what do I want to be when I grow up"?